Cruz/Fiorina 2016: A Physical Comedy Roundup

Ted Cruz.  You know him as the failed presidential candidate who most resembles Beelzebub and this Maury guest/future porn star:

If you don't know him, try to remain in that blissful state.  Think about these puppies instead.

Running for president is a job for a people-person, which is why Ted Cruz was immediately a poor fit as a candidate.  Over the course of his glorious(?) presidential campaign, Lizardman Cruz's inability to mimic a normal human touch was put on display again and again as he toured or tortured America, desperately trying to mime love for his wife, children, and running-mate Carly Fiorina before giant crowds.  Why Legohair Fiorina went along with the ruse will always be a question, but her late entry into Cruzland did generate the greatest week of physical comedy in years, and for that we can always consider them winners (of something).  Here, then, is a rundown of awkward Cruz/Fiorina campaign memories:

1. Even Cruz's daughter can't stand him

Also, there's this gif of his children literally running away from him (maybe related to the frequency with which he brings up spanking):

2. Every moment of these outtakes from Cruz's awkward campaign video YouTube dump is filled with major discomfort at any sign of physical or verbal affection and a lot (A LOT) of side-eye from his family.

3. Meanwhile it seems that every photo and video of Ted and Heidi kissing is exactly like this:

4. Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina are so comfortable together that they sing songs to each others children, but sadly they cannot remember what holding hands looks like:

5. Meanwhile, Carly Fiorina cannot comfortably share a stage with Ted Cruz, so she takes one for the team and falls off:

 6. And finally, the glory of Ted Cruz's final moments of the campaign:

Over and out.