Primaries

Meet the Candidates 2020: Tom Steyer

Meet the Candidates 2020: Tom Steyer

Electing a rich guy from New York with no obvious qualifications to be president is going so swimmingly, why not try it again? That’s the apparent logic behind native Upper East Sider, retired hedge funder, and anti-Trump commercial-maker Tom Steyer’s campaign for president. 

Meet the Candidates 2020: Bill de Blasio

Meet the Candidates 2020: Bill de Blasio

NYC mayor Bill de Blasio is among the most distinctive members of the forgettable generic white people club for two reasons:

  1. He’s tall. Too tall. If you noticed a giant lumberjack (beanpole?) of a man shouting from the fringes of the stage at the first two Democratic debates, you probably were noticing Bill de Blasio. 

  2. He’s, politically speaking, far to the left of the other generic white people. That means that when you noticed him shouting from off-camera, it was probably about how some other godforsaken corner-person was telling us what we can’t do and can’t have and shouldn’t stand for and why to stop dreaming IMMEDIATELY.

Meet the Candidate 2020: Joe Sestak

Meet the Candidate 2020: Joe Sestak

Here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter what Joe Sestak says or does because he hasn’t qualified for a single debate and his platform is indistinguishable from every other generic white person on the trail anyway. See: Tim Ryan, Michael Bennet, and John Delaney. Or actually see none of them because even finding out about Joe Sestak second-hand isn’t worth it. But fine, if you insist…

Meet the Candidates 2020: John Delaney

Meet the Candidates 2020: John Delaney

What could be better that big, structural change? Well small, imperceptible change that doesn’t impact the ultra wealthy, of course! With so much dreaming going on among this year’s top presidential contenders, John Delaney on the scene to scold us about how our dreams of living in a just society are just a scooch too big. Why not try something smaller? Or maybe try nothing. It’s better if we don’t rock the boat. After all, if John Delaney got rich in this system, anybody can!

BTL #296 - Rants - 9/24/18

BTL #296 - Rants - 9/24/18

This week…well...we've been away for a month so it’s mostly rants!  We’ll be ranting Kavanaugh, primaries, hurricanes and everything you need to know before next week, when we go back to our covering one week of news at a time.

BTL #295 - Watergate Pt. II - 8/20/18

BTL #295 - Watergate Pt. II - 8/20/18

This week on BTL, it’s election results galore! We’ll tell you why what you’ve been reading about what they mean isn’t totally true. Also, indictments/legal entanglements/lies galore! But don’t worry, according to Giuliani, the truth is not the truth anyway so what does it matter? It was a big two weeks and we’ve got it all right here!

BTL #291 - 1950s Toddler - 6/18/18

BTL #291 - 1950s Toddler - 6/18/18

This week on BTL, Trump tantrums his way around the G7, dictates his way through the U.S. - North Korea summit, and rips poor desperate immigrant families apart while we obsess about the California primaries! (Whose hobby is better? We’ll let you decide.) We’ve got results from CA and the other June 5th states, as well as some ire about the poor children being torn from their parents in the name of cruelty [cough]…sorry safety (?). All that plus visiting information if you want to get some facetime with Paul Manafort while he’s in jail. We all have a few things we’d like to say to his face, right?

California Primary Election Prop Cheatsheet (June 2018)

California Primary Election Prop Cheatsheet (June 2018)

Jungle primaries are confusing enough. That's why we've put together this handy cheat sheet, along with our reasons for taking the positions we did.  Now you can sound informed at dinner parties AND avoid screwing up on Election Day.