In Which We Discuss:
1. 195 Countries are willing to take a chance on believing in climate change, which is a far better percentage than in our own Congress
2. Ted Cruz is the new second-place frontrunner in the GOP primary because...he’s actually in first place somewhere!
3. Trump decides we should ban all Muslims...except the rich/important kind. So don’t worry, the bin Ladens can still visit you!
4. Just about everybody is threatening to leave the GOP and run independently over a contested convention that hasn’t happened yet
5. The rent is still too damn high, but Jimmy McMillan is retiring so now nobody is working on it
6. America is losing on several fronts most notably the soda, chicken wing, and hippo-related ones