In Which We Discuss:
1. Apparently the line in Louisiana politics is TWO prostitution scandals. Still okay: 1 prostitution scandal, 1 exorcism.
2. Darkhorse candidate “Wouldn’t Vote” sneaking up on Ted Cruz and the other frontrunners in latest GOP polling
3. Julia Brownley, world’s most desperate Democrat, won’t help world’s most desperate refugees
4. Jeb! Bush is the only GOP candidate forgetting to make coded Nazi references in discussion of our refugee policy
5. Anonymous will defeat ISIS using the most annoying meme ever created: we’re apparently “Never Gonna Give You Up” rick-rolling
6. Trump supporters show themselves to be, just as we suspected, a literal racist mob
7. Sarah Palin...is planning to do something - we think - according to what we imagine she was trying to say using a collection of words