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Running for president is a job for a people-person, which is why Ted Cruz left the campaign with little to show beyond a treasure-trove of awkward physical comedy moments. Bye byeeeeeee Belzubub!
"Experience" and "Good Ideas" are not the same thing
Meet the Candidates #5 - Ted Cruz: Revolutionary Evil
In this week’s Meet the Candidates, we’ll take a look at the suddenly-surging Ted Cruz, the *other* Cuban in the GOP presidential race. Cruz is the GOP establishment’s biggest fear since he's rising in the polls and willing to throw anybody under the bus in order to keep that momentum going, his own party included. Luckily, another equal-opportunity bus-thrower and birther/racism fanatic Donald Trump might not let voters forget that Mr. Cruz, unlike Obama, was actually born abroad. Will his Canadian-ness take him out of the running? Will his seething hatred of governance do the trick instead? Only time will tell!
Political Wordplay: 2016's Slogans Decoded
Meet The Candidates #4 - Marco Rubio: Thirsty for Success, Thirsty for Water
In this week’s Meet the Candidates, we’ll take a look at Marco Rubio, the GOP establishment’s next great hope for the presidency. He’s currently in 4th place, but hey, that’s about as high as an establishment candidate can get, so...winning! He’s also the most popular candidate from Florida and the most popular Cuban candidate, so he’s really killing it on those fronts. Other fronts Rubio’s killing it on? Boring credit card scandals, immigration flip-flopping, and religion switching. That’s right, did you know Rubio was once a young idealistic mormon?!? Get all the details here!
Meet The Candidates #3 - Gifted Hands, Questionable Brains: The Ben Carson Story
Carson’s life is a fascinating and uniquely American story, one that proves that...idiot savants are a real thing. He’s the only candidate in the race that we’d let operate on our brains, but he doesn’t seem super capable of using his own to think analytically or practically about how to not make unnecessary references to slavery or Hitler. How Carson wound up in the middle of a political maelstrom that he seems only casually interested in riding out is a real question, but we’ll be digging for answers as we take you through his life, chapter by chapter
Meet The Candidates #2 - The Lincoln Logs
Lincoln Chafee. Linc Chafee. Good ‘ole Linc. Third generation governor, beneficiary of Rhode Island's evident dedication to a grand tradition of near-monarchy, and member of any political party that will have him. We've already delved into the biography of his Andover classmate Jeb!, so today we take a closer look at Linc, the aristocrat on the other side of the aisle.
Meet The Candidates #1 - A Lightning Bolt of Romance: The Jeb Bush Story
Our first "meet the candidates" post! Today, the curious case of Jeb(!) Bush, a man who many in the media still consider a “frontrunner” due to his campaign’s massive war chest. This “frontrunner” moniker is curious, however, considering that he’s polling in single digits and is not even the most popular GOP candidate from Florida, but we digress. Let’s get to know him better anyway. Here, for your reading pleasure, is the story of Jeb! Bush, the forever-second-place Bush brother...